Day 40:

Do you ever go, like somebody doesn’t like you so you don’t like them either? You have absolutely no problem with them until that moment where they showcase their dislike toward you, and you’re just there like, “oh yeah? Well fuck you too!”

I don’t quite understand social dynamics where you have to pretend to like somebody in social settings, except unless you’re alone it’s just like, the gloves come off. Why you gotta pretend man? If you got a problem just say it, or at least don’t pretend like all’s well.

My first was my biology teacher back in 6th grade. She thought I was from her hometown, apparently I looked like I’m from such a place to her. She came upto me and asked me, I was like “I don’t know what that means.” You could feel the shift in the force from that very moment. Of all the people in the world, teachers are supposed to be behave better, right? At least set a good example or something? Or at the very least have the sense that they’re dealing with children who’re still new to this planet and learning the ways of the people.

Anyway, so yeah. The second it shifted for her, it shifted for me too. To that day, I’d never felt that way about anybody. I used to be this person who didn’t have such feelings of, “ooh, I hate that guy.” Or like, “Damn why they act like that?” or “what’s wrong with them?” I don’t come to such conclusions, and I believe that I still am that person, who can love anybody. See the human inside. And yet.

You hate me, I hate you with the same intensity. Except, I’m not great at the whole, “let’s be nice to each other when there’s people around.”

I don’t know why, nor do I even know if it’s good or bad. I just know now, that that’s who I am.