Day 6: Unfinished

For today’s installation, I’d like to draw from yesterday’s premise, i.e., from the ‘Perfect’ piece, “I can not count the number of things that I’ve left unfinished.” All of these things that come to mind that I’ve left unfinished are very important things to me. They range from music pieces to EMG prosthetics.

Like I said yesterday when I start on something, from the outlining process and brainstorming to the rough draft, for some reason I need it all to be perfect. And that really is a bitch. Of course, I can blame a magnitude of things for not having finished everything I started like, I don’t have the funding, I was sick for most of the year, I don’t have the equipment or the experience, I need to learn so much there “isn’t any time”, it can’t happen so quickly.

I should probably also mention (again) that I do have the tendency to create a very unrealistic timeline in my mind. I need everything to be done incredibly quickly. But that’s not how shit works. And since I want to get so very many things done, my timelines make sense in my head, and only in my head.

There’s so much to do and so much to learn and explore and experience in this world, and with this “age of information”, there’s just a lot of constant noise (yes, like cosmic radiation). Focus is invaluable. But more importantly, when you want to do so much more, you need to forego this expectation of “perfection”.

And to me, that’s just incredibly difficult. I’m a fan of symmetry. I also probably have a bit of OCD, self-diagnosing of course.

I guess that’s part of the reason I started writing this 100-day thing. Because no matter what I come up with, even if I just have 10 minutes to write, I have to put it out there for the world to see. No matter who reads it or not, it’s just gonna take that anxiety away after a point of time. Or so I hope.

I’m only realizing while I’m writing this, that I write like no one’s ever gonna read it. I know very few will. Maybe that’s a good thing. But also not. Defeats the purpose :).

And this is day 6.

And this piece is just for me.